Again, I don't know if I can blame the pregnancy on this because I have felt this way many times before, but I am not liking people again. I can't seem to handle them around me, touching me, talking to me. I find them all extremely annoying and I really don't know why.
Lately I have been LOVING my time alone, doing my own thing, talking to no one. I'm not sure, maybe it's because I am going through all the weird hormonal things, my body is wonky and in pain and most of the people I tell this to seem to think that they know EXACTLY what I am going through. Well, they don't. Like I have said before the pains that I am going through are not all pregnancy related, but that part seems to go in one ear and out the other. Pisses me off.
I am seriously hoping that this time around I don't have to endure the joys of massive swelling that I had the last time. I had some funky Baba feet. You know the ones, where they have no ankles and need to be squished into shoes, yeah, that was me. Sandals were all I could handle and people thought I was nuts for walking around in them throughout winter. Well, if you were packing a couple water balloons as feet, do you think you could force them into shoes or boots? I think not. Then there were my hands. Oh my! I couldn't make a fist for fear of bursting them open! I honestly felt that if I were to clap my hands or stomp my feet, they would explode. It was such a bizarre feeling. However, I would rather go through that again instead of the crap I am going through right now.
I just wish that some people would be a little more sympathetic at what I am going through and NOT just think that walking it off will solve the problem. All of the people I know are FAR from being doctors, so maybe they should stop acting like they are.
All of this literally takes me back to my accident, where all those around me thought they knew how to fix it/make it better. It still isn't better, it's just there. All they have to do is grasp that a person is going through something and realize that they DON'T have to completely understand to be there for you. Sometimes just being there is enough.
My heart will be forever shattered and it doesn't matter how many years pass, NOTHING will change that. I try everyday to wake up in a decent mood and look forward to what the day brings me. Having Brad, Lucas and the new baby on the way helps me to do that, but there is and always will be a void.
Pregnancy has not only brought me physical pains, but emotional ones as well. I just wish people would get that.
Ugh...Sorry, I'm just frustrated right now and need to figure stuff out.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Out Of Sorts...Again.
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2 comments:
Just came across your site...pretty cool. I've just started one and hope mine only looks as good as yours!
Anyway, you're entitled to say anything you want on your site. I realize I don't know you but when I was pregnant, man, I had hormones going all over the place and I had the craziest thoughts...I thought my husband was cheating on me in our own house. I've had 3 miscarriages and they were far enough along that we were ready to tell people then it happened. People kept telling me that I would get over it blah , blah, blah...you know what, I've had a really hard time. I've since had another child just recently but still, the pain is still there and always will be. I'm not going to say I know what you're going through as no none can ever know but keep writing...it's a great reliever of all things.
Good Luck!
YAY! Another reader to entertain!
Thanks for the words! Means lots ;). Sorry to hear about all the miscarriages, it's never easy to get over something like that and people shouldn't expect you to. They have to remember that you lost a part of you and it will always be missing.
I would love to see your blog once you get it all up and running!
Hope to talk again soon!
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